The last few weeks have been very emotionally draining for me.
In the past, I've said that I wanted my heart to be broken by the things that break God's heart. In the back of my mind, I thought that meant things like poverty, homelessness, widows and orphans, and sickness. However, in the last couple weeks I have realized is that maybe what really makes God sad is when He looks at the world and sees how messed up we human beings are because of sin.
We live in a very broken world, and I am just now beginning to realize how dysfunctional it really is. I was very blessed to be raised in the home that I was (although I may not have realized it at the time!) which resulted in me being fairly sheltered and unaware of the utter brokenness that constantly plagues society. But I'm not sheltered anymore, to say the least.
When I came to South Africa, I didn't understand that part of what happens when you become involved in people's lives and they trust you, you start to see parts of their lives that you sometimes wish didn't exist. Things like abuse, anger, rape, abortion, bitterness, jealousy, and divorce. Things that just make me want to weep and cry and plead for God's mercy. And it results in a deep sadness in me because there is an underlying knowledge that nothing I do can really change anything. I can listen to their stories. I can let them cry on my shoulder. I can pray for them. I can try to offer words of comfort or encouragement. But in the end, only God can truly change a person. Only God can take away that pain from broken relationships and abuse and violence. Only the Holy Spirit can take away that anger and bitterness and jealousy. Only Jesus can save and rescue a person - not just for eternity, but starting in this life as well.
My heart has truly been broken in the last few weeks. I'm still debating whether or not that is a good thing. In the end, I'm sure it will be good. Right now I'm still not sure...
In the past, I've said that I wanted my heart to be broken by the things that break God's heart. In the back of my mind, I thought that meant things like poverty, homelessness, widows and orphans, and sickness. However, in the last couple weeks I have realized is that maybe what really makes God sad is when He looks at the world and sees how messed up we human beings are because of sin.
We live in a very broken world, and I am just now beginning to realize how dysfunctional it really is. I was very blessed to be raised in the home that I was (although I may not have realized it at the time!) which resulted in me being fairly sheltered and unaware of the utter brokenness that constantly plagues society. But I'm not sheltered anymore, to say the least.
When I came to South Africa, I didn't understand that part of what happens when you become involved in people's lives and they trust you, you start to see parts of their lives that you sometimes wish didn't exist. Things like abuse, anger, rape, abortion, bitterness, jealousy, and divorce. Things that just make me want to weep and cry and plead for God's mercy. And it results in a deep sadness in me because there is an underlying knowledge that nothing I do can really change anything. I can listen to their stories. I can let them cry on my shoulder. I can pray for them. I can try to offer words of comfort or encouragement. But in the end, only God can truly change a person. Only God can take away that pain from broken relationships and abuse and violence. Only the Holy Spirit can take away that anger and bitterness and jealousy. Only Jesus can save and rescue a person - not just for eternity, but starting in this life as well.
My heart has truly been broken in the last few weeks. I'm still debating whether or not that is a good thing. In the end, I'm sure it will be good. Right now I'm still not sure...
