It's slightly strange for me to be blogging. I haven't really done it in about two years...basically since I came back from Sudan. I'll admit I might not be super great at it, or super consistent, but please bear with me.
The past two weeks have been interesting. I am currently in Toronto doing a two week course called COPE (Cultural Orientation for Personal Effectiveness)...slightly ironic because I'm not sure how well I'm dealing with it. My brain is currently hurting from having too much information stuffed into it in a short amount of time and trying to process everything. So I will try and figure out some stuff as I write tonight.
Yesterday, we visited a mosque and talked with an imam about Islam. I had been to mosques before, but this was the first time I really paid attention to what the imam was saying with an open mind. This morning, I was reflecting on what had been discussed yesterday and came to the startling conclusion that I would make an extremely good Muslim. (Don't worry - I still love Jesus and am not in the least considering becoming a Muslim.)
In Islam, it is very clear what is expected of a person. You are to live your life in such a way that it reflects Mohammad, and this is clearly written out in the numerous hadiths. To me, there can be comfort and safety in knowing what is clearly expected of me. I like clearly knowing what is expected of me, and will strive to meet those expectations, even if they are unrealistic and unattainable. Which many of the expectations in the hadiths are. It is impossible to follow all of them. There is no grace or lenience.
Which is why I would be a bad Muslim. As much as I like to try and follow expectations, they can set a person up for failure. As I look back at my journey as a Christian, it is easy to see that I had a tendency to be legalistic. And I still have that tendency. However, I have come to realize that the safety I had in following the rules was just setting me up for failure. When I would fail to meet an expectation (even if it was one I simply had for myself and not one that someone else had placed on me, or else was a completely unrealistic expectation), it would devastate me. I thought I had not lived up to my whole potential. These are often the times though when I seek God the most. It's when I realize that I can't depend on myself, but that I truly need God. It's when I realize that God doesn't even have any expectations of what I need to do - I simply need to love Him and love others.
God is a god of grace, love, and forgiveness. Sometimes I forget that and I try to go back to the safety of my rules. But there is so much more freedom in knowing that my rules won't get me anything but frustration and failure. I have been set free in Christ, and out of love for Him I attempt to model my life after His. Admittedly, I am clearly not perfect and never will be, so my life is not always a shining reflection of Jesus. However, that's okay. It reminds me of why I need Him and how I am nothing without Him.
Thank you, God, that you have rescued me from myself and my own expectations. Thank you for grace. And thank you for your continuing love and mercy.
The past two weeks have been interesting. I am currently in Toronto doing a two week course called COPE (Cultural Orientation for Personal Effectiveness)...slightly ironic because I'm not sure how well I'm dealing with it. My brain is currently hurting from having too much information stuffed into it in a short amount of time and trying to process everything. So I will try and figure out some stuff as I write tonight.
Yesterday, we visited a mosque and talked with an imam about Islam. I had been to mosques before, but this was the first time I really paid attention to what the imam was saying with an open mind. This morning, I was reflecting on what had been discussed yesterday and came to the startling conclusion that I would make an extremely good Muslim. (Don't worry - I still love Jesus and am not in the least considering becoming a Muslim.)
In Islam, it is very clear what is expected of a person. You are to live your life in such a way that it reflects Mohammad, and this is clearly written out in the numerous hadiths. To me, there can be comfort and safety in knowing what is clearly expected of me. I like clearly knowing what is expected of me, and will strive to meet those expectations, even if they are unrealistic and unattainable. Which many of the expectations in the hadiths are. It is impossible to follow all of them. There is no grace or lenience.
Which is why I would be a bad Muslim. As much as I like to try and follow expectations, they can set a person up for failure. As I look back at my journey as a Christian, it is easy to see that I had a tendency to be legalistic. And I still have that tendency. However, I have come to realize that the safety I had in following the rules was just setting me up for failure. When I would fail to meet an expectation (even if it was one I simply had for myself and not one that someone else had placed on me, or else was a completely unrealistic expectation), it would devastate me. I thought I had not lived up to my whole potential. These are often the times though when I seek God the most. It's when I realize that I can't depend on myself, but that I truly need God. It's when I realize that God doesn't even have any expectations of what I need to do - I simply need to love Him and love others.
God is a god of grace, love, and forgiveness. Sometimes I forget that and I try to go back to the safety of my rules. But there is so much more freedom in knowing that my rules won't get me anything but frustration and failure. I have been set free in Christ, and out of love for Him I attempt to model my life after His. Admittedly, I am clearly not perfect and never will be, so my life is not always a shining reflection of Jesus. However, that's okay. It reminds me of why I need Him and how I am nothing without Him.
Thank you, God, that you have rescued me from myself and my own expectations. Thank you for grace. And thank you for your continuing love and mercy.
